Really, he doesn't. If he exists, he may have given you your
athletic ability, but he sure as hell doesn't care that you
scored an eighty yard touchdown with it. It annoys me endlessly
when athletes start thanking God if they win a championship,
as if he somehow took sides in the matter.
The
only time God ever involves himself in sporting events is
if
A)
The Boston Redsox reach the post season, or
B) If the
Buffalo Bills make it to the superbowl.
Otherwise, he's just not paying attention. In fact, anything
more and I'd really start to be worried. The day someone scoring
three goals in one game becomes more important then peace
in the Middle East or something like that is the day we should
all out to go buy pistols and a bullet a piece (fear the pun).
Here are, in order, the things athletes should probably be
thanking (if anything) after a win:
1)
The fans who pay their fucking outrageous salaries.
2)
Their team mates and coach (unless they are dicks)
3)
The steroids they covertly took that avoid drug testing (heehee
Barry)
4)
All the other "important" people that have "positive" influence
in their development as
an athlete.
At
this point I might sound like someone who hates sports - not
true. I love the green grass of April on a fresh ball diamond,
or the sheen of fresh ice at the start of a hockey game. I
just think it's rather presumptious of atheletes who believe
there is a God to attribute their winning to him. If I was
God and I happened to notice this, I'd probably do something
upsetting like go back in time and trip their running back
as he's on the way to the end zone.
While
I'm on the subject, here are some other things God probably
didn't take the time out of his day to influence:
-
Music/Acting/Whatever entertainment carears, if you made it
big good for you, but unless you're that priest that wrote
the Left Behind series, God probably didn't have any vested
interest in your popular success.
-
Helping you remember that you needed to pick up toilet paper
while you were out shopping.
-
promotions at work, good marks at school, etc etc
-
Your ability to eat fifty tacos in one sitting.
-
Your nation/religion/whatever else defeat someone elses nation/religion/whatever.
This is a big one. God doesn't love you more then the other
soldier because you wear stars and stripes. He probably just
thinks you have flashier colors.
-
any number of other assorted things that I'm too lazy to list.
-Ritz
