The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island theory is quite
simple. Each of the seven characters on the island represents
each of the seven deadly sins. Now, this theory seems to fit
upon initial inspection, there are technical difficulties
when you get down to THE MAN himself, Gilligan.
Run
with me on this one....
Most
obvious is the Professor, who fits PRIDE to a T. Any
man who can make a ham radio out of some wire and two coconuts
has to be pretty cocky. (His character was later revised and
given a series of his own, called "MacGyver.")
For
the sin of ENVY we need look no further than Mary Ann,
who may have worn those skimpy little tops, but could never
achieve Ginger's glamour. (As an interesting and completely
irrelevant side note, a nationwide survey of college students
a few years ago revealed that the professor and Mary Ann were
voted the most likely couple to have 'done it' on the island.)
And
who could doubt for a moment that Ginger is LUST incarnate?
Sure, the kids were supposed to think she was ACTING, but
we all know what being deprived episode after episode was
doing to her. You know and I know that glazed look wasn't
boredom, my friends.
What
kind of person takes a trunk full of money on a three-hour
cruise? Mr. Howell gets my vote for GREED.
We
are now left with three characters and three Deadly Sins.
We have Gilligan, the Skipper and Mrs. Howell to whom we must
match GLUTTONY, SLOTH and ANGER. As you can see, there is
a Gilligan problem here. Certainly we can further eliminate
Mrs. Howell from this equation by connecting her with SLOTH.
She did jack during her many years on the island and everybody
knows it.
This
leaves ANGER and GLUTTONY, either of which the
Skipper had no shortage. He was, after all, a big guy with
the tendency to hit Gilligan with his hat at least once an
episode. After much consideration, I have decided that he
can easily do double-duty, covering the two remaining Deadly
Sins.
So
here we have the Seven Deadly Sins trapped in an endlessly
recurring Hell of hope followed by denial and despair, forced
to live with each other in our TVs until the last re-run ends.
And who is their captor? What keeps them trapped there?
Gilligan.
Gilligan is SATAN. Think about it.
-Taco
Bob
