Ever
wonder why there is so much time and money put into every
little area in a store? Why are there dressing rooms in every
store? Why are most jewelry stores in the mall? Women.
Women spend an average of 54 minutes at the mall PER visit.
They also make an average of 4 visits per month.
Men, on the other hand, spend an average of 30 minutes at
the mall. If the man is accompanied by one of the female gender,
the average is 45 minutes.
Women spend, on average, 5 times more than the typical male
at a mall in one month.
So obviously if you are designing your store or mall, you
keep the ladies in mind. If malls were designed for men the
only rule that applies is: Efficiency. All the stores that
sell things for the upper half of the body would be on one
end. All the stores that sell stuff for anything below the
torso would be on the other. So if a store doesn't have my
size in whatever, I can just go next door and find it. NOT
ACROSS THE ENTIRE FUCKING MALL.
Also,
dressing rooms, would not exist in a male mall. Simply put,
they are a waste of space. If you REALLY need to try something
on, just drop your pants and try it on. This policy not only
saves space but also prevents assholes from trying on underwear
and then returning it to the rack.
There
also would be one and only one bathroom. This would be located
right in the middle of the mall next to the one and only trashcan.
If you really need to go, you can just walk to the middle
and relieve yourself. Reading materials and coupons will be
provided in every stall. Another handy gadget that makes the
mall slightly more fun is the Shit CAM. If your proud of your
business and want to show it off to others, simply insert
a quarter and then flush the toilet. A picture of your pride
will be taken before its flushed away into oblivion. This
picture will be displayed on the monitor located in the corner
of the bathroom for all to gawk at.
Each
trip to the Man's Mall should take no more than 20 minutes
and a complimentary bratwurst is provided as you walk in the
door.
Now,
to understand how the female shopper works, we first must
setup some ground rules.
1.)
Women view shopping as an event, not a task.
2.) Women are competing each time they go shopping
3.) If its on sale, its somehow more desirable
3.) and
they never have enough clothes or jewelry
To
women, shopping is an event. Why else would they put concessions
in a store if people are just there to get what they need
and leave? Why else would women go shopping without even knowing
what they want? No my friend, to women, shopping is an event
to look forward too and enjoy.
They enjoy it because it gives them a chance to dominate males
on their home turf. There is a point system set up, but its
kept in disguise. There is a clear winner in every shopping
event, however the winner is not boasted about or always made
public. The female point system goes as follows:
10 Points for each store browsed through (must browse for
at least 15minutes)
7 Points for using the bathroom
5 Points for every article of clothing tried on (must be in
the dressing rooms and actually worn)
5 points for buying something that was "on sale"
2
Points for every question directed at a salesperson
1 Point for every dollar spent at the food court
Ok an item is on sale, to women it means "must buy, limited
offer on this!". To a guy it obviously means "no
body likes that ugly peice of shit so they had to reduce the
price to get dumb people to buy it". Now a guy likes
a good deal just as well as the females, how can you go wrong
with a pair of 5 dollar sneaks?
Also you can see, the # of items purchased isn't a huge part.
You see this is because women can go shopping without any
intent of buying anything.
"I won't buy anything I just want to look around."
Translation: "I'm just running up the score."
Now the male point system is very simple and designed at awarding
the efficient, take a look.
25 points for finding what you needed at the first store you
went into
7 points for not having to use the bathroom
5 points for refraining from buying overpriced food
2 points for not asking any questions
-1 points for every minute spent in the mall after 30minutes
Shopping
for the male is simple, task orientated, and designed to take
the least amount of time possible.
The only exceptions that come are when a male and female go
shopping together. The female always leads and makes sure
her male gets what he needs but also what looks good. Her
goal is to score as many points as she can without her male
passing out. The male hopefully gets dressed well and also
a treat from the female afterwards.
-Hunter
